Transform Frustration and Hurt Into Security and Connection
EMPOWERED THERAPY
Individual and Couples Therapy
I help anxious, overachievers create closeness without the anxiety.
My clients struggle as you do. Despite being smart, capable, and willing to do the work, life is hard.
When they first come in, they feel like they are in a holding pattern with their partner. Like they are two ships passing in the night.
They know that not everything is wrong. The day-to-day tasks are completed without issue, but they know the relationship just doesn’t feel as good as it used to.
They often feel like they have taken a backseat to other priorities in their partner’s life. And they are over it. No longer are they willing to be second place to their partner’s work, to-do list, insecurities, hobbies, you name it. Feeling like something else is taking their spot in the relationship is spurring frequent anxiety within them. They are ready for new and healthier patterns in their relationship, whether that is through individual or couples therapy.
While they are mostly keeping the peace at home, at other times they are having arguments filled with criticism and defensiveness without any clear solution. They often feel like they are continually reaching for their partner. Reaching for them to spend quality time with them, to help out at home, or for emotional support. But they feel like their partner keeps pulling away. It is devastating.
The worst is when their partner goes silent, the distance feels unbearable. It’s when they want to reach for them the most. Sometimes gently and timidly and other times loudly and angrily.
They didn’t sign up for this. They resent the feeling of being second fiddle in their own relationship.
Truly, they just want to feel like their partner is their friend again. Like they can feel at ease when they are around, have inside jokes and date nights. They want to connect emotionally. And they don’t want to be the only one initiating important conversations and emotional connection. They want their partner to reach for them too! Such things are a distant memory at this point.
When they sense their partner’s avoidance, they wonder if they were being ridiculous to ever expect the closeness that they crave.
Their persistent fears about what their partner is prioritizing over them gets in the way of the life that they want in so many ways. They aren’t the kind of partner that they want to be. They are constantly over-functioning for their partner and family while also being distracted by their concerns about what is happening in their relationship. They feel like they are failing in their relationship. If they’re being honest, they’re being more critical than they would like. At times, they are scared that their reactions are making things worse. And their confidence in their partnership is tanking.
They may even be wondering if they should end the relationship or if they can make it work. It’s terrifying to consider. They weren’t supposed to get to this point. Failing isn’t their thing. Not for an overachiever like them.
They’ve read relationship books, listened to podcasts, searched for articles on the internet and pondered every IG post related to their concerns. They often try hard to put their best foot forward to give their relationship the chance it deserves.
Perfectionism is haunting them while they try to make sense of the brokenness in their relationship. They hope they can mend things by being “good enough” while also hating the pressure of trying to be “good enough”.
They ask themselves why do they always have to be the one holding things together? They want to feel relaxed in their relationship and feel like there is room to be themselves again.
Before they came to see me, they wondered if they could fix it on their own. They worried that they were overreacting because it wasn’t ALL bad. And they were pretty certain that other people had it worse. Being caught between these racing thoughts felt nearly debilitating at times.
But they still had hope that things could get better. And they listened to that inkling that told them that things could be different. They reached out and got the support they needed, so things could really change.
Like my clients, you deserve to laugh with your partner again, to feel comfortable and cozy just hanging out at home, to understand one another’s emotions, to know that your partner has your back, and to find answers to your problems TOGETHER.
Restored intimacy is not out of your reach. You don’t have to feel like roommates.
If you want to feel emotionally close to your partner, I would love to help you get there.
Call or email now. You don’t have to suffer. I can help. In individual or couples therapy.
ASHLEY GRAY, LCSW, MFTC
Passion and Practice
Let’s address my credentials first. I earned my Bachelor of Arts in Psychology from the University of Minnesota, my Master of Social Work from Colorado State University and my post-graduate certificate in Marriage and Family Therapy from Denver Family Institute. I work with clients through attachment and systems based theories, which means that I work with your relationships and environment in mind. At times this may include looking at social justice issues and their impact on your life.
And then there is me as a person. You need to know that you can always ask to see a picture of my dog, but I’m going to need to see a picture of your pet, too. You can’t just keep all that awesomeness to yourself! Let’s be honest, these are the creatures that keep us afloat somedays.
I’m very happily married to my best friend and I want you to be, too.
My favorite things to binge watch are The Office, Insecure, Modern Family and anything else that can make me laugh or make me think.
I love being outside. It’s my favorite place. I love hiking when it isn’t sweltering or frigid. I’ve also started flirting with stand up paddle boarding as of late.
Things I can’t do: parallel park, whistle, roll my “r’s”, “fix” your partner, or make someone do the work they don’t want to do. Come ready to jump into the work or at least stand at the edge while we explore how to take the next step.
I love facts and data, so I love reading books about how we function as people (lucky for you!). What I really, really, love is sharing that information with you, so that you can use it in your own life to help you realize your goals. When we work together, I’m always going to give you things you need to bring it home, whether it is a pdf that you can print off and hang up or a quiz or assessment to help you better understand the issue. We’re going to turn over every stone in our search for what is best for you.
You can find my office off of Wadsworth Blvd and West 80th Avenue in Arvada. My office is located in a Key Bank building that is behind King Soopers and McDonald's and across from Target.
Directions
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From US-36: take the CO-95/Sheridan Blvd exit, follow signs to merge onto Sheridan Blvd, head south on Sheridan Blvd, head west on 88th Ave, take a left onto Wadsworth Blvd, right onto W. Pomona Dr., turn left onto Yarrow St. turn right onto W. 80th Pl., turn left into parking lot
From I-25: Take I-25 to US-36, take the US-287 N/N Federal Blvd exit, head W. on W. 80th Ave, turn right onto Yarrow St., turn left onto the first cross street onto W. 80th Pl., turn left into the parking lot
From I-76: Head southwest from I-76, take the CO 121 N/ Wadsworth exit, head north on Wadsworth, turn left onto W. 80th Ave, turn right onto Yarrow St., turn left onto the first cross street onto W. 80th Pl., turn left into the parking lot