Written By Ashley Gray, LCSW, MFTC
There are so many resources out there claiming to help, but how do you know what is right for you? Your time, money and energy are valuable, so let's help you make the right decision for you.
What Is Your Goal?
It is very important to be clear on what your limitations are regarding time, money and energy. It is also important to consider what would truly be best for your situation (especially if safety is a concern) and in some cases, you may need to find ways to find more time, money and/or energy to do the necessary work. For instance, let's say you're reading a book to help you navigate struggles in your relationship. While reading this book you realize that there are some abusive patterns in your relationship and that you need help to leave the relationship. You may need to find time, money and energy that you weren't originally planning on, in order to meet with an individual therapist or work with the national domestic violence hotline to help you come up with a plan to safely exit the relationship.
Books
Books are great when you're mostly just needing more education or skills. It can also be a great option cost-wise as you can find many books for $50 or less. Also, most books that you would be interested in can be found at your local library. If you can't find the book you're looking for at your library, you can make a request to your library to order the book in question. I encourage you to seek out books written by therapists as they have specific clinical knowledge that can be very helpful. Books written by researchers can be helpful as well, though their tone may feel more academic rather than therapeutic.
Many books by therapists have stories from real situations that therapists have faced to help you feel less alone. This can be very validating in a way that doesn't require you to interact with others, which can be a great option for introverts.
The trouble with books is that you can't ask specific questions or get direct and specific professional input about your situation.
Podcasts
In terms, of expense and hearing real stories from other people, you can't beat a podcast. Many therapists have podcasts that are specific to particular issues and may even answer questions on their show. It is very important to note that this is in no way a therapeutic relationship. No resource is truly a proper replacement for therapy. Only therapy is therapy. If your situation requires a therapist, please seek out a therapist (more on that below).
Podcasts can be irregular or end suddenly, which is good to be aware of if you're looking for regular support and/or long-term options.
Courses
Courses are wildly popular right now as they are often cost effective, you often get lifetime access and they are usually on demand, meaning that you can engage in the material when you have the time and energy. There are sometimes options for ad-ons with a course that allow you to ask the course creator questions, which can be helpful. Also, many times, once you purchase a course you also automatically have access to any updates on the course without any additional cost.
In terms of cost, there is quite a range for courses on particular concerns. I have seen costs ranging from about $20 to thousands of dollars for a course. Once again, I recommend a course created by a therapist or another professional with specialized knowledge and training. Again, a course is not a replacement for therapy if what you're truly needing is therapy.
If you're looking for a course on earning a secure attachment, I will have an affordable attachment course coming out by the end of 2024. This course will help you earn an secure attachment either by yourself or with a partner. You can stay up-to-date on the progress of my course by subscribing to my newsletter. I will also update this post once I launch, so you know when it is out and you can find the course here. I've launched! Check out the course here!
Therapy
Therapy is the best option in terms of having eyes on your situation. This option allows you to have a very specifically trained professional have eyes on your situation on a regular basis. This can be great if there are safety concerns, if you have specific questions and when you're wanting to be held accountable. Therapy can be more expensive than a lot of other options due to the extensive training, years of experience and overhead required to carry out the work. If you're needing more affordable therapy solutions, check out the information and resources in my blog post about affordable therapy options in Denver, Colorado and beyond.
Many therapists have blogs, social media accounts and offer free 15-30 minute consultations for you to get a sense if they would be a good fit for what you're wanting to work on. These can be very helpful in saving money in the long run because you can get your questions answered before spending any money.
Some Things That May Require More Direct Support
Most times, if you're looking for more nuanced tools, knowledge and feedback, therapy will be the best fit. Some topics that may fit into this category are trauma work, eating disorders, any mental health concerns where medication may be a crucial intervention and very specific relationship concerns where you're wanting to work with your unique relationship dynamic rather than just gain knowledge or skills. Also, any concerns where your safety or the safety of others is in question, it would be best to involve an expert. These experts may be licensed therapists or doctors. These are just a few suggestions, there are very likely many more topics of concerns where having a professional directly involved would be the best bet. A general guiding principal is if taking in information alone only leaves you with more questions about your specific situation, direction professional intervention would be best.
How To Make Your Decision
To help you make your decision, I encourage you to write out what the concern is. Then write out your time, cost and energy limitations. Then read through this post again to see where you might want to start. Then search online for the tool you're looking for. Read reviews, ask friends and try things with an open mind. If something doesn't work you can return to your list and this post to help you pick something else. Also, something may work for a bit or in a particular season, but in a different season, you may need something else. This is normal. You're not doing it wrong. While it can be disheartening, don't give up on yourself, you're worth the effort. You got this!
I'm wishing you the best on your healing journey! :)
If you would like to work with me, reach out using the contact buttons at the top of this page.
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This post is written by individual and couples therapist, Ashley Gray of Arvada, Colorado. Ashley works with her clients using Gottman Method Couples Therapy, EMDR Trauma Therapy, Prepare and Enrich, attachment focused therapy and Emotionally Focused Therapy, Couples Intensives and EMDR Intensives. As a therapist, she is passionate about helping people build healthy relationships and supporting people with the resources they need. In her free time, Ashley hikes, paddle boards, reads, spends time with her husband and her cuddly dog. For more information about Ashley and her practice, click here.
